Them Baseballs

I've been pondering them baseballs a lot lately, what with this being the slowest time of the year for a hockey fan, and pretty much the best time for baseball. I'll start by saying that a day hasn't yet gone by that I haven't watched Curtis Granderson's catch (or for that matter, a day hasn't gone by that I haven't googled Emma Andersson... you might be saying to yourself, "Self, that's got to get sort of boring after a while since there are only a small number of pictures of her out there..." to which I respond, one day there will be a new one, and that will be a good day.)

Where the fuck was I? Can you even do a parenthetical that long? Prolly not. It's prolly against the rules.

Anyway, Drew Sharp had a flash of brilliance today, suggesting the Tigers go for A-Rod. Brilliance, or perhaps thievery since I've been thinking quietly to myself that the Tigers should do the same, and just not telling anybody. Despite the fact that I own a blog...

Anyhoo, the reason is because 1) the Tigers supposedly need more production out of first base, and 2) Carlos Guillen commits too many errors at SS. He's really a great athlete, but much like Brandon Inge, I think that athleticism causes him to throw some balls that he should just sit on. But you move Guillen to first, and all of a sudden he's probably a gold glove at that position, since he can make full use of his athleticism, but without ever really having to throw the ball. Perfect!

Then you can have A-Rod at his natural position. Take a look at this lineup!

1 - He's No Anderson
2 - Polly
3 - A-Rod
4 - Maggs
5 - Sheff
6 - Guillen
7 - Pudge
8 - C-Money
9 - Binge

But the idea that we should wait until the offseason is crazy. Fuck that! Get him at the deadline! The Yanks suck and they'll want to cut their losses. We trade them Thames, um, Infante, uh, and a bunch of prospects. But don't stop there!

Then you get Miguel Tejada for a bunch more pitching prospects, and you move him to 3rd. Then put Inge in the bullpen. Also put Inge in any time you know that you're about to need an amazing play at 3rd.

Then you go out and get Texeira. You may now be saying to yourself, "Self, at this point the Tigers would be out of tradeable assets." Not so! Send them C-Mo and the Upper Peninsula. Think about it! The Tigers could put him in LF, or put him at first, move Guillen to DH, and have Sheff in left! And Texas gets even bigger, you know they couldn't pass that up! Plus they can watch both borders! Crafty fucking Canadians! Stay outta North Texas!

Mr. Dombrowski, you can hold on to my AL Exec of the Year award for me. Just keep it nice and shiny.